Dear Saint Nicholas,
If you are real, we hope you read the Political Jesus blog. It’s a shame that your good name has been used in the name of mindless consumerism. And to make things worse, now there are people who preach a prosperity gospel where God is seen as a genie. Anyways, Optimistic Chad (the better half of this blog) and myself were wondering if you could maybe help us out. If you could find it in your Norwegian heart to send Chad and I a forest green Green Lantern hoodie, we would be most grateful.
PS:
Specifically,
Rod would like a green GL hoodie without the zipper.
Chad would like one with a zipper.
Also, Rod’s friend Seth would like a GL hoodie with a zipper.
Sincerely yours truly,
Rod and Chad
I want the zipper one, Santa. And if you come through, I will take back all of the crappy things I have taught my youth groups about you over the years. Also, say hi to Black Peter for me. Also, stop being Coca-Cola’s color-whore. Also, you should apologize to All-Father Odin for stealing his likeness. Thank C.S. Lewis for the best represntation of you ever in the First Narnia book. Also, St. Nicolas is probably pretty upset that you turned his cult into a consumeristic nightmare. Also, bring back the beatings for the bad kids.
P.S. The kids are all bad.
NICE! lols!
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The other day, some kid’s annoying whining, squeaky-voiced rendition of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause” came on the radio. A light bulb went in my head about how pathetic the holiday has become and the population of mindless, consumerist zombies it has produced.