A commenter has suggested in one of our recent posts that we should be more self-reflective.
This is my response.
I was once told that in the scriptures, “the fool” is one who is not self-reflective. I try to think about myself as much as possible and wonder if my actions, beliefs, and words all match up with those of Jesus. Needless to say, I think I fall drastically short in all three areas. As such, I thought maybe I would turn some of my self-critique outward and allow a rare glimpse into how I view myself and my beliefs, from a critical (hopefully constructively so) standpoint.
First, my beliefs:
It is hard to do this right because if we level a valid critique on what we believe, then logic dictates that we should believe something else. Nevertheless, I will attempt to state what I believe are the flaws and or holes in my system of belief.
1) as part of a privileged class of people, seeing things from the perspective of those less wealth-fortunate is difficult. This uncountably affects my ability to do theology.
2) I believe uncritically in God, and that Jesus represents God. Of course, there are reasons for that, but nothing that can honestly sway or convince someone who does not believe that. This is not a traditional flaw, but rather it is something I believe on faith that is completely separate from logic.
3) I would like to openly critique my view on homosexuality. I was raised in a very conservative way that teaches gaydom is wrong. I was later taught to theologically back this up with scripture. Here is the thing. While I no longer consider Pauline or Old Testament critiques of homosexuality to stand up to educated critique, I am having trouble with my beliefs on the subject. Gay marriage bothers me. Having said that, I love the gays in my life to death and if they asked me, I would do their wedding. And I would love them and validate their love. Having said that, I would love to have more GLBTQ members in my church. I would encourage more GLBTQ elders and deacons. However, when it comes to equality, I have a problem speaking of gay marriage as a valid and equal alternative to traditional marriage. My foundations for this exist, but I am claiming right now that they are flimsy. Am I just at a midpoint along the way to full equality or am I stuck at an untenable place theologically because of a bigoted bias? Unknown at this juncture.
4) My racial bias. I know for sure it is there. I just can’t really see it. I would like to say that I am not racist, but I know this to be only partly true. I am white and was raised into a family/culture where whites are better than others by rule. I am not sure I can really know what ways that affects my thinking on race.
Secondly, my words:
I) I am a chameleon. I use the phrases, mannerisms, and tones of whoever it is that I am speaking to. On a generous day, I might say I am becoming everything to everyone, but on an honest day, I would say that I am uncomfortable with my own “voice” and still look for groups that I can be validated by.
II) I certainly do not follow the Pauline encouragement to dwell verbally on whatever is good, noble, etc… I find that once I get comfortable with someone, my words quickly degenerate into vile, disgusting creatures (like Jawas). Just ask my wife. I used to keep my mouth in check from crude jokes and profanity with a fear of divine retribution, but alas, with a better understanding of God’s mercy, Paul’s other encouragement for this mercy not to be used as an excuse for evil goes unheeded.
III) I am a coward. Very few times will I actually say what I really mean. This is due to fear. I am afraid to lose whatever friends, standing, and position that I have accrued. I am afraid that I am much more radical in my mind than I would ever try to be outloud. Which leads to…
My actions:
A) I think I am a bit of a klepto. I find myself grabbing things that don’t belong to me. Always small stuff. Always things no one would ever miss. Pens, bits of old games, other oddities, and always from larger companies, but still, kindof lame and against the greater code I stand for.
B) Laziness – I am guilty of this from time to time. Granted I have gotten better, but I still have many times that I find myself playing video games when I should be doing something productive.
C) I think I have anger issues. I haven’t hit anyone yet, but I can’t help but feel that it might happen someday.
D) I find that for all my talk of social justice and environmental issues, my actual lifestyle, beyond upping awareness, hasn’t changed much. I am enviro-justial-hypocritical.
That is just a start. Maybe I will revisit this later. I would love to hear some of your self-critiques (so I won’t have to self-validate, which I am scared of).
Chad
wow. I have found that I can’t just go around saying what I think. That would just be offensive, so I try not to do it that often. Why not just cop to being a “socialist?” If you let personal responsibility go in favor of communal responsibility, you can be okay with “klepto”, profanity, laziness, and “social justice”. I find my leanings the other way tend to make me judge our countries leadership as “insidious”, and makes it difficult for me to pray for God to bless America, and to use those folks to do it. Since you don’t claim “individual responsibility” as I do, I am the greater hypocrite when I dink around, not doing the right thing than you. See? Here I am, when I should be doing other stuff!
Leo! Thanks for posting. I don’t feel like a socialist, but I do admit that the Acts 2 story about the church is attractive. While Jesus seemed to “out-socialist” even the most leftist among us, I still struggle daily with liking my possessions. Perhaps that is another critique I should level against myself, lol.
Also, I try to take a great deal of personal responsibility. hopefully this post is somewhat proof of that.
I don’t consider you a hypocrite, Leo. I know you are a real good guy. join the club of those of us struggling to be more like Christ.
Your in the 99% group Chad. As God’s children we all struggle to “Walk Like Jesus” I know it is cliche, but if were easy we would all be, well, almost perfect. I struggle with laziness, prcrastination, telling lies, and lifting pens. But my biggest struggle is trying to fit the Bible into this world. In my heart I know it isn’t right! Times change but…….God doesn’t. Take your gay/lesbian stance. Just because it is politically correct or the present worldview says its right, doesn’t make it right. Same with, I know this is insensitive, abortion. I read constantly that we shouldn’t use that word, but lets call it what it is. It’s legal in this day and age but again, that doesn’t make it right. We all aspire to be as good in our faith as possible, but I think the hardest part is FAITH! There is too much out there to read , study, etc. I am not saying that studying is wrong I just think there are too many Generals and not enough soldiers. You, sir are an excellent teacher, and I have learned alot from you, mostly that my convictions are strengthening my faith which is the most important aspect of my walk.
Actually, abortion is something I find incompatible with the Christian directive for life. So I stand very much against the culture at large there. The homosexual issue is much trickier. I actually am having a conversation about it in class this morning. For the record, I care very little for being politically correct, but I care very much about what God thinks. Therefore, it is very important for me to get things right on this GLBTQ issue because to get it wrong because of bad scholarship would be an egregious error indeed. That is why I have yet to make up my mind. I would hate to be wrong about this one.
unfortunately, I seem to be getting forced to investigate more thoroughly into this issue, so don’t be surprised if there is an entire thread later devoted to an open inquiry into GLBTQ issues.
Hey man, how’s it going?…I have to agree with David, just because a worldview says something is right, does not make it right. The Bible is pretty clear about the issue of homosexuality…does that change because our culture changes? No…but I think the view is distorted. We need to realize that we are born into sin and when we give into sinful desires, we go against everything that God has designed for us…now we all sin, but the mistake that is made is we say, “I can’t change that sin, or I was born with that sin.” 1 Corinthians 5:11-17. This verse seems to, almost, be pleading with Christian to be reconciled to God…it also talks of being a new creation. I hope you don’t wake up in the morning and say, “Today, I am going to steal a pen and that is just the way it is.” As Christians, we need to have a different mindset (Romans 12:2). We all “fall short”, but that cannot be an excuse to “fall short.” You cannot cast people away from the church, but churches needs to teach and hold people to a higher standard, a Biblical standard. Rambling, I know, but in the murkiness of humans trying to figure out God’s Word, we can get lost in our own philosophies and made up theology cause it makes sense in our own little minds. Philippians 2:12-13 crazy verse…and I ask, do we do this? Keep going in your “self-critiques”, but don’t let it distract you from the real purpose God has laid out for you and for all of us.
Jesus was a socialist? I don’t think so. Check this construct:
Jesus goes to hang out with some crowd
Some nameless sinner tries to approach Him
The crowd goes wild
Jesus tell the crowd that they are hypocrites
Jesus touches the sinner in a life-changing way
Jesus refers to their faith
Jesus connects their faith to their healing
Jesus tells them to go and sin no more.
Jesus addresses the crowd as hopeless losers.
He addresses the sinner as someone worthy of His personal instruction. There is no society or community expected to do anything. It’s personal to the sinner. That is the “personal responsibility” that I am talking about. Socialists work toward society being obedient to Christ, relieving the individual from responsibilities Jesus put on them.
Now, if I may step back into that crowd for a moment, if Jesus has told some sinner “go in peace”, who am I to argue with Him?
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Reading this self-critique one year later, I have actually witnessed what I perceive to be your growth on some of these issues. Good work!
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